Posting random stuff from your chat logs is a great idea

...It totally counts as a valid post. It's CURATION!

Rule: Book/reading lists are like a mixtape, but you have to do more work to enjoy it.

Yes, the blog will start up again soon, and I will attempt to update weekly again. I also have imbibed some gin so that's why this post is like this.

I love you all.

Also you should really check out that podcast about curation from SXSW and David Carr was a salty grandpa with some good points.

The "diet" advice I follow.

I talk about eating food and making food a lot. Let's talk about the other side of this coin.

This is possibly the simplest, good argument for the type of eating habits I strive to follow. I'd like to say this is the one thing everyone should strive to follow too, but honestly, everyones' body/mental state/priorities are different. However, it does leave a lot of room for flexibility. I think flexibility is important because somehow as humans we've turned "diet" into a verb, as opposed to a noun, like it used to be.

If you think in a biologist way, and talk about the diet of the pygmy shrew, you're not going to say something like, "The pygmy shrew diets on dew and half a grass blade because she read that on a health site somewhere and she's already lost .5 ounces!" You're going to say that the pygmy shrew has a diet consisting of x, y, and occasionally z when she can find it in these climates. That's because what you're gonna eat is what you're gonna eat. Rigid guidelines that radically change that are always going to be a phase because that's not your diet. That's not what you eat.

Not sure if any of that made sense, so read this by someone who actually gets paid to write, okay?

THE TRUTH ABOUT DIETING

"If I was smarter when I was young health journalist, I probably would have eaten more cake. It’s tasty, I like it, and the infrequent indulgence could have served as the personal experiment I needed to better understand what it takes to be healthy."

Rule: Eat cake. Eat pie. Read Michael Pollan, Marion Nestle, Dan Barber, Wendell Berry, Barbara Kingsolver. No, seriously, read them (they have less to do with dieting, but a lot to do with putting good fuel in your body).

Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food

Most anything by Marion Nestle

Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Wendell Berry's essays. Here are some.

Dan Barber writes things and is in a few videos.

Been reading a lot of HBR recently

This is actually one of the better articles I've ever read on how to encourage creativity and spark. Of course, your mileage may vary, but rarely is there ever an article that both gives specific, easily-achieved actions as well as room for personal interpretation. I wish it were a little longer and contained a bit more science or explanations as to why this works for the author, but oh well.

Here is the exercise/thought-process:

http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2011/11/how-to-think-creatively.html

Is this similar to what you do, creative folks? Or does something different work better for you? I find when I can get into the rhythm (or "wave" as he calls it), I am feeling my most satisfied creatively. More often than not, life interrupts though.

Rule: Always get out of bed and write that thought down. You know the one. The brilliant one.

Looking instead of writing

Hey guys, I've been doing a lot of looking instead of writing. I've been completely addicted to Pinterest.com. It's an online pinboard/tearsheet box. I hate tumblr. I'd rather have real posts with real writing (HAHA OOPS THIS POST SUCKS) or art pieces versus an un-trackable, mishmash of stream-of-consciousness journal-y stuff (which is often affected since it's public, so there's gotta be some mental edit of "how do i want people to perceive my stream-of-consciousness" which negates the activity), BUT (oh geez clauses) if you want to check out just a bunch of things I find pretty, check this out.

As far as I am aware, you don't need to be a member in order to look at my pins. Let me know if that's not the case.

http://pinterest.com/thrimpth/pins/

I can't convince you never to use Comic Sans MS

Rule: I can't convince you never to use Comic Sans, but DO NOT ever, EVER use it on your resume or cover letter. I don't care how "fun" you are or want to seem. This is not the place. Don't do it. I will go to your parents' house, pose your childhood toys in offensive positions, set fire to the whole thing, then photoshop your face on a picture of your parents having nasty sex and send it to you and all your friends. It is at that point that I will come find you and punch you straight in the reproductive organs, step over your groaning face, open up your email, and attach that picture to an email to your girlfriend/boyfriend asking if we can "try this next time."

Don't do it.

This is how I feel sometimes about writing

Photo credit.

Rule: Sometimes you are saying "AUGH!" about writing and thinking about writing. This is okay, because it is intimidating.

You're putting your thoughts somewhere kinda permanent (or maybe really permanent - the internet is forever). One day you're going to come back and say to yourself, "Oh my god, that was so tacky/cheesy/awful/incomprehensible/dumb." And as much as you revise it, you can't scrub yourself of that feeling of "Why did I do that? I put my thoughts on paper and this came out? EW MY BRAINS ARE GROSS AND HORRIBLE."

And you know what? They were gross and horrible. I'm not going to give some life-affirming speech about how you're too hard on yourself, you've heard that and you know that. The thing is, it's okay that your brain was gross and horrible. I mean, have you seen the damn thing? Pretty gross. But you recognize it produced something you don't like. So fix it. Improve. Strive for excellence... or in my case, something marginally better than what you had before and add some secret prayer that nobody will notice how hacky your paragraphs are.

So if you are feeling "AUGH!" about writing, you should. Feel the paralysis, the petrification. Then, write something. It will be terrible. Then, THEN make that terrible writing beat on you until you are limber. You are tough meat, and your own bad writing will tenderize you. Brutally. This is ok. You'll loosen up, and words better than the words you had before will come out.

(Hopefully. AUGH!)

This is not an amazing poem.

I am gearing myself up for my birthday, for which I am going to attempt to make a craaaaazy cake. (It's probably not that crazy, I'm just new to baking) Emboldened by assisting my boyfriend in making croissants, I feel ready for challenges!

So here is my anthem for taking this project on.
---

If you're having crumb problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a cake ain't one.

I got fat contol on silpat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my oven's closed
Cake critics they say she's "Yolks, sugar, fold"
I'm from the kitchen, stupid, what type of recipes are those
If you grew up with holes in ya fondant rolled
You'd be celebrating the minute you was havin' dough
I'm like cut critics you can kiss my donut hole
If you don't like my pastries you can eat a dinner roll
I got beef with potatoes if i don't cook they cold
They make a good meal, but they're not desserts SO
Food blogs try and use my bundt pan
So readers can give 'em more hits for comments, suckers
I don't know why you're not a fan,
Or understand the tastebuds that Yellow Thunder has
I'm from easy bake to croissants, bitches I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems but a cake ain't one
Hit me

99 problems but the cake aint one
If you're havin' crumb problems, I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a cake ain't one
Hit me

And here is the cake that I am hoping to make (it has 15 egg yolks! holy balls!):


Photo credit and recipe:
http://cafechocolada.blogspot.com/2011/01/bohemian-cake.html

Rule: Don't make two rules in one day. Shit.

Quite possibly the cutest thing ever

Hey All. Interesting week this week. Came home every night way past bedtime, but overall, worth it. During the day, I've been having so much tea, I feel English. (And... my pee smells like earl grey?) As a result, very little blogging. But look! I found another cute soft thing.




[photo: Mariska]

I think it's really cute, anyway. Look at his crooked eyes!

We had a torrential downpour this week, and since everybody had transitioned to winter clothing already, many just wore their everyday outerwear. This brings me to my rule.

Rule: Do NOT wear down coats (unless they have some sort of waterproof shell) when it is raining. You will smell TERRIBLE, and the down - synthetic or not - will get mildewy and even worse-smelling. If you do this, I will make a face very similar to this cat. But more angry, less cute, and less fuzzy.

Why didn't I think of that?

...Oh yeah; because I can't sew.

Either way, this is an excellent idea for tall boots that flop over when you store them.

[photo: cupcakebomb]

Rule: Have a great Thanksgiving, and eat lots of yummy things.

A (not) Brief Analysis

Hi Guys!

So remember this post and this post on creativity and life-balance?

I've thought about it a lot, and thought about what makes me tick, personally. And here is some honesty. Get ready for some crazy too, as I think I'm getting a little sick.

I love to help people and make them smile. I really love it. I think it alternates between genuine altruism and loving to make people happy (happy people are fun people) and a selfish desire to make my friends an exclusive club that everybody wants to get into because they're so damn happy all the time. The result is, however, that I over-commit to a lot of things. Taking people out to dinner, shopping for pick-me-up presents, cooking meals, hosting parties, coming up with lots of energy to energize others, revving people up to go out because they feel like they're in a rut, seeing my friends on an individual basis and really listening to them, spending quality time with my significant other, spending silly time with my significant other, etc.

I also love to show off. Who doesn't? Praise is awesome, and being able to display things that you're good at gives you encouragement to go forth and do more. The result here is the same, I over-commit. Usually it's on a micro level - making too many things for a meal, or things that are too complicated - but sometimes it's on a macro level, trying to solve everybody's problems all at once. This leads me to making meals for everyone but myself, doing other peoples' work at work and not getting any of my own done, that kind of stuff. They say that pride cometh before a fall, but it's really more like pride cometh before you turn into an empty, hollow shell who's eating a giant bucket of popcorn for dinner in pajamas and bathrobe while making whimpery noises and wondering why it's cold in the house.

I want to improve myself over time, not stagnate. I have this crippling anxiety of becoming boring and everybody thinks I'm lame and nobody wants to hang out with me ever again because I'm no longer funny, clever, helpful, supportive, or that last dish I made was sucky. No, don't reassure me that I'm awesome (ok you can if you want). Trust me, this is something that needs to be addressed by a mental health professional, as it's deeply embedded. When I was younger, with more significant troubles in my life, I was alone a lot outside of school. That gave me a lot of time to read, be smart, think of funny things, and daydream. This is a pattern that I fell into as a defense mechanism that has now become the type of thing that recharges me. Now that I'm an adult, and much of those troubles are behind me, I have a much more packed social schedule, and that recharge pattern is less available. Then occasionally, somebody at a party will say something totally witty and I'll laugh my butt off, and my brain will do this:

"HAHAHAHHA that was so hilarious HAHAHAHA- oh god why am i not that funny i am deficient oh geez quick i need to read something smart somebody hand me a biology textbook or a calculus problem"

Plus stagnate is a yucky word. It sounds like some sort of unwanted bodily fluid, or something stinky that comes from the fermentation of sewer goop that Ferran Adria will science into something delicious and spherical at some point in 2015.

[credit: unknown, someone help me out] This is giraffe threads with spherified stagnate and cheese gel.

I want to surround myself with loved ones. Again, this is kind of a no-brainer. I don't want to lose touch or relevance with the people I really admire and love, and who also really care about me. This means - as my friends happen to be scattered all over - I spend a lot of time sleeping on planes and buses, spending money, vacation hours, and brain-energy, and physical energy. Sometimes they come see me. All of which rules. I'm definitely not complaining. However, this means I get home and there's a ton of laundry, I have no food, I have no money, and my bathroom is a crazy haven for cave crickets, which are like terrifying jumpy spider things. Seriously terrifying get out of my house why are you in my house i hate you.

This is what I came up with:

Rule: Secure your own mask before assisting others.

They say during the portion of airplane flights when you're trying to figure out how to fit your personal pizza, your bottled water, and that stupid magazine you bought into that pocket in front of you. I think the announcement is supposed to be calming or something. The idea is if something bad happens and you have no oxygen, these colostomy bags fall out of the ceiling and you put them on your face. Or... oxygen thingies? Either way, they're supposed to make you not asphyxiate. You put them on your own face before putting other ones on other peoples' faces. This is because if you're running out of oxygen, you get all loopy, panicky, and floppy, and it's really unattractive. ALSO, makes you really bad at putting masks on other people. Really, nobody wants any of that.

This is true of life. First you gotta put the colostomy bag on your face. Then you're like a superhero. Is it getting hot in here? *thud*


I'm back! I'm up. It's fine.


Point is, everybody wants you to be the best you can be; you should want that too. Doing things that recharge you will make all these other things much easier. Artificially producing creativity, support, or knowledge is basically mentally forcing it. And as with poops, it's unsatisfying, exhausting, potentially painful, and sometimes shooty.

Those are my thoughts. Hopefully they weren't too shooty.

1.21 gigawatts! Great SCOTT!

Rule: the best way to soothe a curmudgeon on a Monday: sit her in front of a giant cheeseburger, a cold soda, mobile internet, and leave her alone.

I'm fighting off whatever cold my boyfriend had; it's floating around our apartment, scratching at my immune system and mewling loudly, so no giant post today. For your entertainment, here's a conversation I had with the boy:

- me: when will you be home?
- boy: 3pm
- me: it is 4:31p
so
good luck
godspeed

Who, me? Emo?

We all search something for a thing we don't actually want to find. We all look in our hobbies, our habits, our relationships for something that will solve some problem, unlock something deep within us, give us the everlasting high.

Who treated you like what in your youth? Who left your love unrequited? What comfort was ripped from you? What trust was betrayed? What was your biggest regret? What was your biggest failing?

Where will you find it again, the part that will make you whole? It might be at the bottom of that glass, it might be in that next bite of cake, what if it's at the end of that video game, or maybe in the next person who cares about you. It could be another pair of shoes, it could be that perfect dance, maybe if you bleed a little more, maybe if you donated more money, it might be after the next pound you lose, it could be in that fresh pack of cards, it might be in your child, what if it's somewhere in that movie, or in a compliment the next person gives you, it must be some code in the number of IQ points you have.

Of course, there are plenty of things we do because they simply make us happy. Kissing, cartwheels, popping bubble wrap, writing hate mail to Michael Buble, etc.

This is the part of the blog post where I don't follow through completely on a thought I have and end it unsatisfactorily without any editing. (I have a goal to get to bed in a timely fashion, which competes with my goal to practice writing more)

On a completely unrelated note whatsoever, here are the only photos of food I took of the dinner I made for my parents which I hope they liked gosh what if they didn't like it i bet they still disapprove of me when will it ever be enough what if i lit myself on fire... cake.

As you can see, it's unacceptable. I mean, I didn't get to do all the things to it I wanted. Like rub babies on it, or frost it properly.



Rule: Practice writing long before bedtime. Also, examining motivations can be fun! And terrifying! HAPPY HALLOWEEN. Oh wait, not yet. Don't worry, I can find scarier things.

I want a big salty tube

Well, that post title should get some hits. Me and the boy were discussing hot dogs. We got some fancy gourmet ones at the farmers' market, and they were okay, but not... hot dogs. I want a homogeneous, savory, spiced, sweaty tube of meat. My vegetarian friends can just look away. And also children. Actually, I'm just gonna say nobody watch me eat hot dogs, please. This hot dog wasn't homogeneous enough, not sweaty enough, and definitely not spiced properly.

It did not go well with ketchup. It did not go well with relish. It went okay with mustard (what doesn't, really?). It went okay with cheese (same story). Where was my flavor explosion of the savory, the sweet, the sour, the hot? I did not think of summer, grass tickling my feet, baseball games I would never attend. I thought of how sad I was it wasn't a real hot dog.

Rule: Don't ever buy fancy hot dogs. You can buy regular hot dogs and put fancy things on them, but don't buy fancy hot dogs.

Next time: Beets. Or spoons. Unsure.

Measuring, measuring, oh god, precision!

So.

Lots of my friends have heard me complain about baking. Mainly, my fears about baking. In fact, I've probably blogged about it right here and completely forgot about it. There's a lot of measuring and precision in baking (or such it seems to me, since proportioning things also requires measuring). I've mentioned lots of times that once you put the whatever in the oven, there's no telling what will happen. It's with god, at that point. A big, fiery, gassy god with a mouth that glows and transforms things into baked goods. You can't add more egg or baking powder once you've tasted it, like when you're cooking. You gotta do everything right beforehand.

But I love cake. And cookies. And pie. I've already gotten good at the non-flour-based baked desserts, and I miss the pillowy, spongey comfort of flour. So I'm gonna do it. I'm going to try to learn how to bake without making myself a complete mess. Now that I have an oven that isn't the size of a laptop and tilted toward magnetic north. Deep breaths, measuring cups, and a patient boyfriend should get me through this, right? Any tips?

Rule: Measure twice, eat once. Wait, that's a shitty rule. If you can conquer your fears and produce cakes simultaneously, that's a pretty good deal. Wait, that's not really a good rule either. No rule this week. Leave your favorite baked-good recipe, and I will attempt it.


This is a slice of my boyfriend's bread. He has far surpassed me in baking skillz.

My teefs hurt

Hi all.

Got some wisdom teeth out recently. Apparently my nerve endings are a bunch of pansies because I'm still in pain. Read a bunch of stuff about dry socket (which I don't have, but am paranoid about getting). There are all these question-answer sites floating about that it's easy to get an answer to any question you have just by searching. The reliability of the answer is another matter. One of them caught my eye. For some reason, some guy felt compelled to qualify his credibility as an authority on pain by saying that he'd been in a lot of street fights and had been stabbed once. Dude also said that dry socket was the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life. Terrifying.

Swallowed some stitches today. The knots come off as the thread dissolves and they look like little spiders. So, doubly terrifying because a.) AUGH A STITCH POPPED OUT and b.) AUGH SPIDERS!! Nobody wants to think about little stitch spiders crawling around in their esophagus. Which... I just made you do. So. There we are then.

That's it. That's my blog post. Gonna take some uber-tylenol now.

Rule: Don't get dry socket; it's worse than stabs.

Head on keyboard

Rule: Write in the morning. Or failing that, because we all have day jobs and not everybody's a morning person, get adequate amounts of sleep. It's different for everybody. Most importantly, don't spend half your night doing one type of creative thing that expect to conjure enough brain power to write properly.

WHYYYYYYYYYYy am I so tired? WHYYYYYYYYYY?? I'm beginning to think I have some sort of thyroid issue. But it isn't swollen, so I don't know what's going on. Did you know your thyroid is in your neck? I don't really feel like there's a lot in my neck. A tube for food and drink, a tube for air, a tube for demons. Turns out there's other junk like glands.

So in other news, I'm having breakfast for dinner because I'm lazy and sleepy. Tomorrow, however, I believe I'm going to make a pecan pie.



BAM that's what I'm gonna eat. Eggs over easy on Muenster on toast. I'm going to eat it like this: pick up like a pizza. Eat all the white and cheese and toast portion. Nibble around yolk portion to get as close as possible without breaking the yolk. Do a couple rounds of nervous nibbling. Shove the yolk and cheese and toast portion completely into mouth (now you understand the nibbles). Enjoy the runny and creamy yolk, combining with the buttery cheese, on top of the crunchy toast. All the flavors completely conserved in the mouth. Yes, it is as grostesque and ridiculous as it appears.

On top of it all, I've been reading a lot of Failbooking.com and it turns out, my feeds are not as interesting or offensive. You win some, you lose some. Off to bed or else this will get our of control.

Time to revise old writing.

A bit of lighthearted fun in considering everyday objects.

Highlighter
Spends its days making some ideas more important than others. It is the color of citrus fruits sent in from joyful, sunny places. Eye-attractant, it pulls your attention like a burly sailor pulls a man who's gone overboard. Something this powerful shouldn't cost under a dollar. But you're not going to tell the corporates that. It's an interpreter of text, a summarizer, a distiller of meaning. It's a cylinder of controlled liquid epiphany. It is your cue to say, "Aha!"


Ballad of the TP
Toilet paper rolls
Sit soft and white
Like unhatched eggs in a nest.
They wait in the dark cabinet
Only to have their lives
Unraveled
In the light.

Rule: Make yourself look at your old writing. Cry a little bit. Then try to make it better.

If you are having troubles with the "tights are not pants" concept

Here is the rule:

If the top you are wearing could be mistaken for a mini-dress WHILE ON YOUR BODY, tights = ok as emergency ass-cover.

If the top you are wearing can not be in any way construed as a mini-dress and is mostly a long top WHILE ON YOUR BODY, tights = unacceptible.

I don't care if you borrowed your friend's tunic and it is plenty long on her, if you feel like you would have to take the tiniest steps in an enclosed, windless space in order for nobody to see your business in only the top, you should really put some pants on. If you could take long strides and maybe flash side-thigh action, but not really any butt cheek and definitely no cooter, tights or pants will do.

I promise I'm working on a better post. It's about handwriting. Get ready!

Am I an old lady?

Recently I've been thinking about perfumes. I shower, I use rather inoffensive lotions (unscented if possible), and I wear deodorant that doesn't invoke a flowery paste applied directly to the eyes. So generally, I try to smell like a human. I find that people - especially in the US - have a huge problem with smelling like things you ate (heaven forbid I should detect that you sustained your life with food), sweat (I'm glad that you smell like a laboratory that studies the indolent), and natural body oils. Basically, smelling like a living creature.

In fact, one thing that annoys me about my last two significant others is their propensity to shower and scrub all their scent away, often twice a day. This is not ancient Rome in the summertime, people. You didn't do anything at that office you work at to smell bad enough to warrant a hose-down. No. No, I can't smell anything. No, I'm not lying, you don't smell like anything. You are a fawn in tall grass. No predators can detect you. No, I'm not being sarcastic. Yes, I am mocking you.

Nobody wants to make peoples' eyes water with their stench, but I have only experienced truly stinky people in two situations:
- Really, really, supremely sweaty people (and not even all supremely sweaty people. just some)
- Homeless guys who smell like years of dried sweat and urine.

I promise, if you jogged to meet me in front of the metro station, and you have a light sheen of perspiration, you probably don't smell like either of those two. Nor do you smell like a pile of burning, used, adult diapers. You don't even smell remotely of rotting flesh. Really!

Oh, you ate some garlic earlier? What a coincidence! Almost every culture on earth eats dishes with garlic in them! Oh and here's another new fact: I like garlic too. Now, if you ate garlic five days ago and have consumed nothing but the dew gathered from virgin spring leaves of mint and you still smell like garlic? Maybe there's a problem with your digestion, but that has nothing to do with you scrubbing yourself with exfoliants, using shampoo to strip your hair of scent and luster, and stopping up every pore in and around your armpits.

Of course, I have nothing against good, solid hygiene and the maintenance of appearance. I just find it excessive to be showering before you go out because you "feel gross," even though all you did all day was sit at a computer, move a mouse, and maybe walk to go get lunch. I mean, if it's a stress-relieving technique, then go for it, I guess. But if you feel stinky, then I fully expect to open the bathroom door and see you in the shower stall, water hot enough to sterilize the toilet brush, scouring your armpits with a piece of soaped-up sandpaper and muttering, "Unclean, unclean, I must get the sin off..." All things in moderation people.

Wow, how about that ranting, huh? That was a pretty good one. Anyway, I associate perfume with old ladies most of the time, and/or covering up some other scent/trying not to be a human. It seems simultaneously classy and wasteful. Romantic and inconsequential. Reminds me of walking through the cosmetics department of a department store and being attacked by women in skirt suits with spray bottles and tabs of paper. But then I went into a perfume store on a whim, and found some scents that smelled really good. I think something instinctual triggered; something basic that warned me I must be appealing in all ways all the time in order to propagate the species with my genetic combination. And also a desire to collect all things aesthetically pleasing. I've been so focused on the visual, the tasty, and the eloquent, that I had forgotten there are several other senses that can be delighted. But do I need to delight them all? And for like $100 for a tiny bottle of liquid? So I guess I put it to you, readers. Should I dive into the world of perfume, and enhance my self-aesthetic, or should I not waste my money?

For your enjoyment, here are some pretty sweet sites to check out if you a.) don't want to spend money on a full bottle and just want some samples and b.) don't want to smell like everybody who has a household name fragrance (I mean how many people are wearing that exact same Calvin Klein scent, anyway) and would like some more independent, unique, and specialized perfume houses to choose from.

LuckyScent
The Perfumed Court

Here are some perfumes I am considering purchasing samples of (I know, "maybe perhaps considering thinking about trying etc.").

Le Temps D'Une Fete - because "green floral" seems like a fun description

Helianthe - Because I like ylang ylang and sandalwood and names that sound all steampunk.

Lastly, here's the rule: Stop showering so much, it's ok, really.

I hope real writing will come out of me soon for the next blog post. We shall see! Feel free to beseech any deities or make offerings unto muses on my behalf for some creative juices.

Similies, metaphors, and analogies.

I'm sorry about the similes, etc. I start writing them when I am angry, usually. This time, I'm angry about this:


http://www.food2.com

Can somebody please tell me what is going on here?

A whooshing Flash interface, loud colors, strange text blocks, blog format, and content that sounds like a sarcastic, inarticulate, bore of a tween trying to impress some college students. It looks like Food Network (its parent/family company, which is also a hot mess of web design) got too drunk with MTV at a party, and had this... this... thing.

Or maybe it's more like Food Network noticed her sagging breasts and crow's feet and decided she could squeeze into her daughter's clubbing clothes. People are averting their eyes and whispering behind her back.

Or maybe it's Food Network completely missing the mark in making its web content - which is openly recycled and credits its own kitchens instead of trying to hide it behind a blog-face - more accessible and hip to America's youth. The sans-serif type, the clashing colors, the raw layout...

Oh Food Network, did you eat Look At This Fucking Hipster with your dinner of internet marketing keywords and then throw it up onto the internet?

I'm sorry, I think you meant to do this:
http://www.nycgo.com/

See how the crazy colors are limited to just two? See how it's confined to only the most important information? The drop down menus go horizontally to preserve visibility of content. The text is easy to read. The text is enjoyable to read because they have contributing writers, not regurgitating monkeys. The spacing of the paragraphs is easy to scroll through. Images do not interrupt important flow of information (as in recipe instructions). If you're going to have images/illustrations, please integrate them at the side of the text; it's more clear that way anyway. Images for punctuation are okay, but you haven't done that.

You don't even have very much web-exclusive content.

There are about 10 sentences per blog post and the rest of it is clunky photos and solicitations for comments. Who's going to comment on your post when you haven't even said anything!? The recipes are straight recycling, and they haven't been edited for more accessibility (e.g., more detailed instruction, diagrams, definitions).

So let's recap. Food2 website: It's ugly. It's annoying to navigate/look at. There's not much original content. The content is bad. The content is not really any more fun or hip than original Food Network content. The content is not at all geared toward beginners. I'm sorry, Food2. Your attempts at being hip and accessible have failed with me. You are not hip, you are a giant eyesore. You are not accessible, because I do not desire to access whatever bad content you have hidden in those stripey, neon lines. I guess I could watch one of the videos, but... that's what your tv channel is for.

Rule: Please, people. When you re-brand to appeal to a younger or newer audience, do your research into the demographic. Then spend a lot of money on good design. The web is your new medium. Please do not poop on it.

- Make it visually-stimulating, not messy.
- It can be raw, but not unpolished.
- Keep the content original, not lingo-heavy.
- Be witty and endearing, not goofy and disconcerting.

It's hard, but it looks like you have wads of cash to spend. Feel free to toss some of that my way.